…“MY BEING A PLUS SIZE LADY IS MY STRENGHT“–“WHY MEN ARE DYING TO DATING PLUS SIZE LADIES”
Here comes pretty looking big, clever and brilliant Miss Nkoyo Daniel an Efik born Calabar South Local Government Area Cross River state Advocate of Plus size ladies in Nigeria. On Monday 16th of July, 2018 Towncrier.ng played host to this delectable plus size eminent lady who is a model, and publisher of Toosh Delight a special magazine for Plus Size ladies in Nigeria and beyond.
Nkoyo Nsa Daniel spoke about how Plus size ladies should have self confidence in themselves and regularly have exercises for healthy living while taking their love life to a higher level unimaginable and enviable of everyone around them. She plays host to several online social media Plus size ladies’ communities where she engages into meaningful education of what it takes to be a Plus size woman as African traditional setting sees a true woman as that of plump and big size at relevant cleavages attractive to the men folk. Read On
Que: May I meet you?
I am Nkoyo Daniel, I hail from Calabar South Local Government Area of Cross River state. I’m in my early 30s. I’m a graduate of Policy Studies and Administration from University of Calabar. I’m single and a plus size advocate. I build confidence in plus size individuals and I am strongly against body shaming and I love seeing big, bold, proud self love individuals as it has a way of making me happy and truly encouraging that self love which is the ultimate.
Que: What do you do for a living?
I am Editor-In-chief of Toosh Delight magazine a Plus size ladies’ special Interest magazine and I am On-Air-Personality—OAP in Canaan City 99.5 Fm station –Calabar where I am running a Show called “Plus Sisters”.
Que: Why do you take special interest in Plus Size ladies?
It is because I am a Plus Size lady as I have never been slim and I don’t really know what it feels to be slim. I have been big right from birth. I have this group where I notice that a lot of plus size women have lost their confidence because of the society so I am trying to build confidence in plus size women.
Que: When actually did you start this advocacy for plus size women?
I have had this dream for a while but I came up with Toosh Delight Magazine and I called it life of a Plus size woman last year November when Toosh Delight Magazine was published. And The Plus Sisters just started few weeks back.
Que: Let us look at the plus size woman and the loss of confidence, how does it all start?
It starts from your home; you know a lot of parents when their kids are growing up as I have a situation at hands right now when one of my friends told me that her grand mum told her that she can’t find love. You know they give us this mindset that when you are big in physique you can’t find love. When you are big you are lazy. That is when you are big you are unhealthy, you are untidy. They believe that the plus size women are lazy people. But if you look at Nigeria today, a lot of Plus size women are entrepreneurs. They are fighting hard and they are struggling hard to be independent and to gain confidence. So, I think all these started from the home as parents with the name calling, the body shaming such as Orobo, which is how it all started. And you know a lot of Plus size women too, because of this name calling they have lost their self-esteem as there are no self-confidence, they cannot even go out. Hardly have you seen a plus size woman go out alone. She is always in the company of some other person just to gain confidence.
Que: With your advocacy for acceptance of plus size women in the society, what has been the result so far?
Oh, it has been tremendous because if you go to every state now there is a plus size women group and on the internet you will see that there are a lot of Plus size women are willing to talk. The first solution to a problem is to identify the problem. So, now I have been able to identify that low self-confidence, low self esteem. So, I am giving them the opportunity to speak out. When you speak out you break loose. So, I think so far so, so well. It has been a nice one.
Que: Let us look at the issue of men who don’t like or fall in love for plus size women, what is your message to them?
If I must tell you the truth they are afraid of the plus size women this is because a typical African woman is a plus size. So, when your man starts telling you “I don’t like this or I don’t like that” make them go out of their way to reduce weight as most of them do it not because they are happy as a lot of them just want to do it and keep to shape because this is what their husband actually really likes and it doesn’t make her happy. They go to the Gym; they do not eat what they like. They try to watch their diet. This is because the truths remains that if you keep a slim woman and give her food and make her happy she is going to put on weight. It is normal. So, what they do is they now try to fight this additional weight and it is not because they are really not plus size. It is because they are fighting their weight.
Que: We have a situation in Nigeria where one of ex President Olusegun Obasanjo’s sons divorced a plus size woman that he got married to after one year without fulfilling his conjugal rights and obligations as alleged because he doesn’t like a plus size woman, is that what plus size women should go through?.
I think that is his lost because he doesn’t know what he has lost. Do you know what it means to get married to a Plus size woman? Ah! the Love handle as when you are sleeping you cuddle …oh ! Really he truly lost. He doesn’t know what he is missing.
Que: For marriage and relationship for plus size ladies it is becoming a trend as most plus size ladies marry slim men. Why is it so?
It is really good. For marriage and relationship for plus size ladies, there are so many men dying for plus size women. But that is a serious problem for plus size ladies as most men are shying away from marrying plus size women. A lot of plus size women are crying and screaming that they don’t have relationships. There is something about the men as they date the plus size women and go on a fling with them but when it comes to marriage they will go for the slim ones. So, that is a very serious problem in the plus size world. We are trying to tackle that and we want them to tell us the reasons why you will see a man dating a plus size woman and when it comes for marriage he will choose the slim ones. But after getting married to the slim girl the man will keep her at home and still go outside looking for the plus size ladies. So, the problem is why you don’t marry the plus size women keep her at home if that is what truly makes you happy. They know that their happiness lies on this and this is what they really but the society, our parents are pushing matters beyond limit. Like I have an issue where someone told me that she has to lose weight because she has to meet her in-law and her boyfriend said “My dear I am sorry you have to lose weight so that my mother won’t think that you are older than I am”. So. Most plus size women you see when they actually find this guy that they really love they will try to lose weight in order to get to marry the guy. But if you allow a guy to love you for whom you are from the foundation to when you get married to him I don’t think that you will have this issue of rejection and abandonment by your husband.
On the Plus Sisters’ group in the internet you will see a lot of plus size ladies telling you that they want to mingle. They are actually asking for relationships. In the Plus Sisters’ group I have a lot of inbox coming to me saying” Please can you introduce me to a plus size girl to get married to. But I am scared as I can’t do that as there are more men in the Plus Size Group in internet than the women. They are looking for plus size women but my fear is, are you looking for these plus size women for a serious relationship that is going to end in marriage or you are looking for them for fun…and for flings. What actually are you looking for them for? I think it is an African mentality. As I think that our men take more to what people will say and if you have a clique of friends…. I think for the men and feel bringing their girls and a slim one makes him look like a baby as everyone will say oh she is a babe and bringing the fat one makes her look like she is a Mama. What they now they intend to do to do is ‘they intend to listen their friends to the detriment of their own happiness. They are like ‘this is what my friends like let me marry this slim one so that I will whoa my friends’.
Que: As you are championing the cause for plus size women using your magazine Toosh Delight, using the Canaan City 99.5Fm station Calabar in Cross River state, what are the other channels that you are using for this advocacy for plus size women?
We are in the internet as we try to build confidence and most times we do it through photo shoot where we have Plus size ladies come out dressing beautifully and going on photo shoot. I mean those don’ts of plus size women. We are trying to let the public know that you can be big and do the don’ts. I grew up knowing that a plus size woman is not supposed to wear bright colours. Hey No….No. We wear all of that now as we are trying to change people’s mindset about the plus size ladies as you can actually do anything you comfortable with.
Que: Are there other activities such as beauty pageant that you have organized for plus size women?
I am actually working on that as I am thinking about having a run-way show during my first anniversary for Toosh Delight magazine. I am thinking about an avenue to bring all plus size women together and let us do this run way show. I want this event that I am going to bring all the plus size women in one hall. We are going to show the world what we are made of.
Que: How about the plus size ladies finding it difficult to get tailors to make their dresses and getting their sizes done well, how about this?
The plus size woman being afraid of going to the tailor no…that is not true. This is because I really know that a lot of people don’t find sizes in the market. So, what they do is pick up the style and give it to our tailor to make your dress for you if you really like that style. I think Toosh Delight magazine is going to handle that as we are going to publish the list of Plus size tailors, tailors who can actually make good plus size outfits for the plus size people. Just make a call and give them your measurement and you are done.
Que: In the traditional culture of the coastal people is this going into fattening room by young maidens before they get married. Is it a contributory factor for ladies being overweight nowadays? What is your take on this?
I think that is my culture Efik that you are talking about here. Yes because we believe that in the Efik culture that we cannot give out our girls for marriage while being slim. That is why we go into the fattening room. So, when you told me about that former President’s son who divorced his wife because she is a plus size lady, it is his lost this is because in my culture we don’t marry our girls slim. We go into the Fattening Room as we believe that the bigger the better and the bigger the beautiful.
Que: What is your message to plus size ladies out there?
My message to the plus size ladies out there is be confident, be sweet, be your best and be happy and be healthy. I am not promoting obesity that is why I am telling you to be healthy and do that thing that make you healthy check your blood pressure Bp, check your blood sugar level and exercise. You can do house chores just to keep your heart pumping. Just be healthy and make sure that you are 100 % happy. No-one else will make you feel less of yourself; carry yourself with confident and just go about your normal businesses.
Que: Who is your ideal man?
I think my ideal man is a very intelligent man. You are just going to whoa me when I get to see that part of you that you are very intelligent. I think that is my ideal man. It doesn’t matter your size. It doesn’t have to do with your height. No. That very intelligent man is my ideal man.
Que: How do you take many Plus size ladies out for Photo-shoot?
We have different plus size ladies’ groups in Nigeria. We can decide to come up in Rivers state attire; we can decide to wear the Efik attire just to show case to the world that we are big and that we are beautiful and that we can do this.
Que: Do you have a national Association of plus size ladies?
For now there is no national association of plus size ladies in Nigeria. We have many Plus size ladies’ groups that I belong to. We have The Labelle Sisters Cross River state, we have the Glam Sisters, we have The Lush Beauties, and we have the Plus size Divas. These are the groups at Calabar, Cross River state Nigeria.
Que: How can other plus size ladies who want to join these groups locate you?
They can locate us through the internet. They should search for us through the internet and they should join The Plus Sisters, The Lush beauties, and The Labelle Sisters and Plus Size Divas too. Plus Size Divas are in Port Harcourt Rivers state and they can join those groups through the internet.
Que: Is every plus size woman obsessed by nature?
Not every plus size fat, chubby, orobo woman is obsessed. The general misconception that people have is that every fat woman is fat because of what she eats. They believe that she eats everything and anything. But that is not the case. Most fat people are fat because of their genetics, medical research has it that we have what they call the fat genes and the skinny genes. These plus size people actually are born with fat genes to be fat, naturally does that make them to be obsessed? No. This is because what they need to do now is to maintain their weights according to their BMI that is Body Mass Index. You can see a chubby girl and you think that she is obsessed. No. she is within her appropriate weight in accordance to Body Mass Index scale which is weight multiplied by her height and divides by 2 that gives her Body Mass Index-BMI. The plus size ladies are doing much to educate and re-orient the society and the people on this matter. This is because for the fact that they are flaunting their size does not mean that they promoting obesity. We are actually telling you to be confident and live a healthy life style. And for those who are obsessed, we are telling you that you need to exercise regularly for you to go back to that appropriate weight that your BMI supports.
Que: There is this alleged relationship between plus size people and heart attack that is cardiac arrest, what do you have to say on this?
Anyone can have heart attack. If you do a research now, most people that slump and die are not even plus size people. Go and do your research. We have had cases even at Calabar, a number of people that have passed away from cardiac arrest are nor plus size ladies. In fact if I shock you that plus size ladies are very, very active as they dance, they are conscious of the need to be fit as those who are not plus size may take that for granted saying” for me I am slim already, do I need to walk out” . As a plus size lady a lot of people have to tell you to watch your weight because of the heart attack and that you have to watch your weight because you’re going to have diabetes, and all of that. And truly a lot of heart attack and diabetes all these health related issues ….it doesn’t select people as it happens to both the slim and to fat people. And I see more of diabetes cases with slim persons than to the fat ones. I have a grand ma who died at 83-years and she was plus size woman bigger than me and taller than me and she was plus size. I have another grand ma from my paternal died at 83 years and my maternal died at almost 85years and she was plus.
Que: In the western world fashion cum modeling is defined by slim ladies on the runway, how about plus size ladies, are they in the modeling and fashion business?
There are a lot of plus size models everywhere and there a lot of plus sizes groups and shops online. I see a lot of plus size models and I don’t think anyone should lose weight before you become a model now. No. we embrace plus size models as it is not all about your height but it is all about your carriage as it has a lot to do with your carriage. If you have that carriage and if you have that charisma you can models most products as I see adverts everywhere for plus size models everywhere. I think that is in-thing now. We have models that model for bikini companies, casual clothes, corporate clothes and these are plus size ladies and the market is flooding like wild fire as not only in the western world as it is even entering our market in Nigeria. I am surprised when I hear that the plus size can’t do well in the fashion industry. In fact the fashion industry is becoming more conscious of the plus size ladies. And they are doing everything to even improve their market by including the plus size ladies. There is this United States of America born lady named Ashley who is an athlete she won Gold in 2016 Olympics in Brasil she shocked the whole world of being the first plus size woman to win in an Olympics Games in sprints. She is plus size. There is another plus size lady her name is Whitney Wedgeford she is an advocate for plus size women and she a very outspoken woman. She dances and she is a phenomenon in the internet as she speaks for the plus size. And when you talk about the plus size woman being unhealthy I debunk it seriously, because there are so many ladies out there that are plus size that has proven otherwise in sports and in every other thing.